Post by shadrach on May 23, 2005 12:39:37 GMT 1
After a nice lie-in, Shadrach wakes to the sound of Hamish slurping at his bucket of feed. He looks around at the barn surrounding him and sighs. "Bloomin' marvellous this is" he mutters, before washing his face in the pony's dirty trough.
"Shadrach?!" shouts Lisa, from outside the barn door. "Shadrach!! There's someone here to see you!". Shadrach quickly runs a hand through his hair and dusts down his jacket before opening the barn door with a smile. His face soon drops as he realises his visitor is not female. "What do you want?!" he moans. Denzel stares Shadrach in the face and hauls him outside. "We've had a complaint from a villager about your behaviour" says Denzel, a stern look in his eyes. "What behaviour? I ain't done nothing!" begs Shadrach, gripping onto Lisa's arm he continues, "I've been here all day and all night with you haven't I Lisa?!"
Lisa pushes Shadrach off and he stumbles into a pile of sticks lying next to the barn wall. Denzel picks him up by the scruff of his neck and leans in close. "Listen Shadrach, this needs to stop. I'm gonna give you one more warning, no more foul behaviour in the village right? Stay out of trouble and I'll not be coming round here again - simple as that! Next time I see you within sniffing distance of Edna Birch you'll be down that nick before your feet can touch the ground!" Denzel lets go of Shadrach who again falls backwards onto the ground.
"What have you been doing now?!" Lisa shrieks, giving Shadrach a clout around the head as Denzel drives off. "Come on, inside! Now!" Shadrach slowly follows Lisa inside the house but at the last minute he turns on his heels and begins to sprint to his best ability down the Dingle yard and towards the village. Inside the house, Lisa is just about to open her mouth to speak when she notices Shadrach isn't behind her. She dashes out into the yard and sees him running down the lane. "Shadrach!!! You wait!!!" she bellows before darting back inside the house.
Meanwhile, Edna Birch is happily pruning her rose bush in her front garden when Betty approaches, grinning from ear to ear. "What's so funny?" Edna asks, placing her garden trimmers down on the doorstep. "Well", continues Betty, "I've just been hearing about the trouble you've been having with a certain Dingle." "Oh they're all the same! Absolute riff raff", cries Edna, "that Shadrach has been using my back garden as a toilet every night for the past week! Oh it makes me shudder to think about it." Edna cringes. "Oh it's disgraceful isn't it?" smiles Betty. "Well I'm glad you find it so funny Betty, because I don't! The police have been informed and I'm sure they will deal with him accordingly", Edna continues, holding her head high and proud. "Hey, it's just a pity it wasn't somebody thirty years younger!" laughs Betty as she totters off towards the Woolpack. Edna scowls and goes inside to make some tea and relax in front of the television.
Shadrach has just entered the village main street and steadies himself on the nearest lamp post, panting for breath. His gaze fixes on Edna's cottage and he smiles when he sees her fixing the curtains in the window. Shadrach composes himself and sneaks past the Woolpack, darting behind the cottages and enters Edna's back garden. He quietly passes through the gate and crouches down below her back window. Peering through a small pane of glass he spies Edna with her back to him, making a pot of tea. Suddenly, Shadrach notices a black bucket at the side of the cottage. He scurries upto it and darts around the corner, with his back now against the side of Edna's home he is well out of sight. A sneer crosses Shadrach's face as he has yet another brilliant brainwave. He picks up the bucket, unzips his pants and proceeds to pee in the bucket whilst all the time grinning to himself! After finishing, Shadrach places the bucket down on the floor and begins to action the next stage of his plan.
At the same time, Edna has just had a knock on her front door. "Oh hello Vicar!" she chrips, opening the door up for Ashley to enter. "Edna, I've just come round to have a look at your latest draft for the Parish magazine if that's OK? Some of the parishioners have some ideas they'd like to see in there." Ashley parks himself down on Edna's sofa as she pours him a cup of Yorkshire tea. "There you go Vicar, help yourself to biscuits. Now, I'll just go and get my work!" Edna strolls off into her backroom, quietly humming to herself whilst shuffling around for the magazine draft. Outside, Shadrach has positioned himself below her window pane. He slowly rises up and seeing there is nobody in sight, knocks loudly on the window before dashing around the corner and picking up the bucket of fresh urine!
"Did you hear that?" shouts Ashley from the living room. He cautiously stands up and walks down Edna's hallway. "I think there's someone at my window!" Edna remarks, hiding behind a doorframe. "Don't worry, it's probably kids, I'll go and have a look" smiles Ashley, opening up the backdoor. He steps outside and takes a look around. Hearing what sounded like a foot step he slowly creeps around the corner of Edna's cottage and peeks out onto the Emmerdale main street. Looking down he notices it was just a stray cat and breathes a sigh of relief. Ashley turns quickly and walks towards Edna's door. "It's OK, it was just a..." he begins to announce, when he is splashed in the face with a vile, stinking, warm liquid.
"ARGHGHG!" Ashley gasps, looking down on himself to find his clothes and face covered in this mess! "Whatever's the matter?!" Edna cries, coming to the door. "Oh my lord, what is that stench?!" she gasps before handing Ashley a wad of tissues from the kitchen counter. "It's... it's URINE!" Ashley shouts, before dashing inside Edna's house and frantically rinsing his face in her kitchen sink.
Edna dashes around side of the cottage, peering far into the distance she is sure she can see a man, running like the wind, up towards the Dingle house. Tutting, she accidentally kicks something as she turns around. Bending down to pick it up, she realises it's one of Jarvis's home brew buckets! "Jarvis", she shouts, attracting his attention as he peers out of the window. "I think this is one of yours!" Edna leans over the fence and places it amongst his collection of home brew equipment. Jarvis gives her the thumbs up and she smiles to herself, none the wiser, going back inside the tend to Ashley.
"Shadrach?!" shouts Lisa, from outside the barn door. "Shadrach!! There's someone here to see you!". Shadrach quickly runs a hand through his hair and dusts down his jacket before opening the barn door with a smile. His face soon drops as he realises his visitor is not female. "What do you want?!" he moans. Denzel stares Shadrach in the face and hauls him outside. "We've had a complaint from a villager about your behaviour" says Denzel, a stern look in his eyes. "What behaviour? I ain't done nothing!" begs Shadrach, gripping onto Lisa's arm he continues, "I've been here all day and all night with you haven't I Lisa?!"
Lisa pushes Shadrach off and he stumbles into a pile of sticks lying next to the barn wall. Denzel picks him up by the scruff of his neck and leans in close. "Listen Shadrach, this needs to stop. I'm gonna give you one more warning, no more foul behaviour in the village right? Stay out of trouble and I'll not be coming round here again - simple as that! Next time I see you within sniffing distance of Edna Birch you'll be down that nick before your feet can touch the ground!" Denzel lets go of Shadrach who again falls backwards onto the ground.
"What have you been doing now?!" Lisa shrieks, giving Shadrach a clout around the head as Denzel drives off. "Come on, inside! Now!" Shadrach slowly follows Lisa inside the house but at the last minute he turns on his heels and begins to sprint to his best ability down the Dingle yard and towards the village. Inside the house, Lisa is just about to open her mouth to speak when she notices Shadrach isn't behind her. She dashes out into the yard and sees him running down the lane. "Shadrach!!! You wait!!!" she bellows before darting back inside the house.
Meanwhile, Edna Birch is happily pruning her rose bush in her front garden when Betty approaches, grinning from ear to ear. "What's so funny?" Edna asks, placing her garden trimmers down on the doorstep. "Well", continues Betty, "I've just been hearing about the trouble you've been having with a certain Dingle." "Oh they're all the same! Absolute riff raff", cries Edna, "that Shadrach has been using my back garden as a toilet every night for the past week! Oh it makes me shudder to think about it." Edna cringes. "Oh it's disgraceful isn't it?" smiles Betty. "Well I'm glad you find it so funny Betty, because I don't! The police have been informed and I'm sure they will deal with him accordingly", Edna continues, holding her head high and proud. "Hey, it's just a pity it wasn't somebody thirty years younger!" laughs Betty as she totters off towards the Woolpack. Edna scowls and goes inside to make some tea and relax in front of the television.
Shadrach has just entered the village main street and steadies himself on the nearest lamp post, panting for breath. His gaze fixes on Edna's cottage and he smiles when he sees her fixing the curtains in the window. Shadrach composes himself and sneaks past the Woolpack, darting behind the cottages and enters Edna's back garden. He quietly passes through the gate and crouches down below her back window. Peering through a small pane of glass he spies Edna with her back to him, making a pot of tea. Suddenly, Shadrach notices a black bucket at the side of the cottage. He scurries upto it and darts around the corner, with his back now against the side of Edna's home he is well out of sight. A sneer crosses Shadrach's face as he has yet another brilliant brainwave. He picks up the bucket, unzips his pants and proceeds to pee in the bucket whilst all the time grinning to himself! After finishing, Shadrach places the bucket down on the floor and begins to action the next stage of his plan.
At the same time, Edna has just had a knock on her front door. "Oh hello Vicar!" she chrips, opening the door up for Ashley to enter. "Edna, I've just come round to have a look at your latest draft for the Parish magazine if that's OK? Some of the parishioners have some ideas they'd like to see in there." Ashley parks himself down on Edna's sofa as she pours him a cup of Yorkshire tea. "There you go Vicar, help yourself to biscuits. Now, I'll just go and get my work!" Edna strolls off into her backroom, quietly humming to herself whilst shuffling around for the magazine draft. Outside, Shadrach has positioned himself below her window pane. He slowly rises up and seeing there is nobody in sight, knocks loudly on the window before dashing around the corner and picking up the bucket of fresh urine!
"Did you hear that?" shouts Ashley from the living room. He cautiously stands up and walks down Edna's hallway. "I think there's someone at my window!" Edna remarks, hiding behind a doorframe. "Don't worry, it's probably kids, I'll go and have a look" smiles Ashley, opening up the backdoor. He steps outside and takes a look around. Hearing what sounded like a foot step he slowly creeps around the corner of Edna's cottage and peeks out onto the Emmerdale main street. Looking down he notices it was just a stray cat and breathes a sigh of relief. Ashley turns quickly and walks towards Edna's door. "It's OK, it was just a..." he begins to announce, when he is splashed in the face with a vile, stinking, warm liquid.
"ARGHGHG!" Ashley gasps, looking down on himself to find his clothes and face covered in this mess! "Whatever's the matter?!" Edna cries, coming to the door. "Oh my lord, what is that stench?!" she gasps before handing Ashley a wad of tissues from the kitchen counter. "It's... it's URINE!" Ashley shouts, before dashing inside Edna's house and frantically rinsing his face in her kitchen sink.
Edna dashes around side of the cottage, peering far into the distance she is sure she can see a man, running like the wind, up towards the Dingle house. Tutting, she accidentally kicks something as she turns around. Bending down to pick it up, she realises it's one of Jarvis's home brew buckets! "Jarvis", she shouts, attracting his attention as he peers out of the window. "I think this is one of yours!" Edna leans over the fence and places it amongst his collection of home brew equipment. Jarvis gives her the thumbs up and she smiles to herself, none the wiser, going back inside the tend to Ashley.
