Terminated Soul

[missking]

omg i didnt see that coming poor carl glad chas is there for him do more really soon please x

[tomsgirl]

Awwww poor Carl what a fab update Sapphira more very soon please x

[Sapphira]

Thanks everyone!! I've written a bit of the next chapter, but it's really bad so far.

[missking]

i bet its not bad post it up really soon please cant wait to read more its great x

[rtzen01]

how could your writing possibly be bad sapphira Please post more up

[Sapphira]

Thanks guys, but honestly it was. It was sickeningly sweet, completely unrealistic and horrible in everyway.

Anyways I've rewritten it now and it'll be up in a few minutes.

xx

[missking]

good shall look forward 2 it comin on LOL

[Sapphira]

So, as promised the new dark chapter to the story...




Chapter IV


Chas stood stock-still. She pulled away from Carl’s suffocating grasp, staring at him in horror. She backed away shaking her head from side to side as tears formed in her eyes.


I'm waiting for blood to flow to my fingers,
I'll be all right when my hands get warm


Carl lifted his head to look back at her. He walked towards her, but she backed away again.

“Chas… Chas.”

“What… what was the prognosis?”

“Chas…”

“What was it?”

“I…”

“Carl! WHAT WAS IT?!”

He looked down, to cover the fresh tears.

“One in four.”

“What?”

“I’ve got an one in four chance of living! A 75% CHANCE OF DYING!”

“NO!” She screamed it. She was in hysterics. She sobbed and gradually slipped down to the ground her body shaking with emotion.

“Chas.” Carl knelt down to her, another tear sliding down nose.

“GET OFF ME!”

Carl jumped back in surprise and resentment, the rejection stinging him.

“I never thought you’d turn your back on me.”

”HOW DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU!”

“How dare I what? All I asked for was a bit of support. Turns out you can’t even give me that.”

“How do you expect me to react?! You’ve known this! You’ve had time to come to terms with this! And I’ve for how long?! ONE F-CKING MINUTE!”


In denial
No, my life's a trial
I'm not denying that every little bit hurts
It's a problem, that I'm not solving
Don't mind admitting I feel like quitting this job
For a while, Getting away before it gets any worse today


“I never thought you’d turn your back on me.”


Oh look now, there you go with hope again
But I'll be sure your secret is safe with me
Oh, you're so sure I'll be leaving in the end
Treating me like I'm already gone

But I'm not, I will stay where you are always
I will stay, I will stay, I will stay.


Chas glanced at him in disbelief. “What? I haven’t turned my back on you.”

Carl sighed and looked out to the countryside, a strange mood came over him.

“You will do. This situation is full of secrets and lies. You’ll try to keep it that way. We would be under a false illusion of unity. But it’d be a complete façade. They’d be disappearances. You’d lie for me again and again until the pressure became too great and then snap! Everything would be gone. The lies, the secrets would be gone.

And so will I.”

[missking]

aww thats great poor carl and chas post more soon its really good

[eppsy]

Wow, another great chapter Spahirra. More soon?

[rtzen01]

Aww amazing update sapphira, your writing is so strong Can't wait for more of this story soon i hope

[Sapphira]

Thanks for all your amazing comments everyone!! Uno updato for you all!

Chapter V

Carl turned to face his one-time fiancé.

“I wont allow that to happen.”

“What?”

“I don’t want to put you through that. Watching me die.”

“What are you talking about? You’ve still got a chance of living! You will live. You’re not going to die!”

“How many times do you have to repeat that for it to become reality?”

Chas didn’t answer. Carl smiled bitterly in return.

“Exactly. No matter how many times you say that, it won’t change the inevitable, and it certainly won’t convince me. Don’t you see Chas? My end has come.”


I can't find the joy within my soul
It's just sadness taking hold
I just can’t come in from the cold
And make myself renewed again
It takes strength to live this way
The same old madness every day
I just can’t kick these blues away
I just can’t learn to live again...


“What about chemotherapy? It could save you.”

“My mother had cancer. I saw how much pain she was in. I’ve seen what chemo does to you and I will not live like that. I will not spend my last few days puking up in the toilet after every treatment, waiting for the doctors to get the dosage right. Chemo’s worse than the cancer itself, Chas. Each person is different; each person needs a different amount of the treatment. And if they get it wrong… that’s you gone forever.”

“So you’re just going to sit around waiting to die?! WELL SOD YOU CARL KING! WHAT ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU! WHAT ABOUT MATT AND JIMMY? WHAT ABOUT THEM? WHAT ABOUT ME?”

“You’re all better off without me.”

“How can you say that?”

“The things I’ve done… to them… to you… to Dad.”

“What about your Dad? He was horrible to you Carl! He split us up!”

“So that gave me a right to toss him out the window did it?”

Chas’ eyes widened in shock.

“You… you did it?”

“I never meant to! I was yelling and then… he was just there, and I picked it up… and then… I hit him with it and he fell, I was angry… I tried to pull him back, I tried to catch him but I couldn’t and then he just fell, down and down and down and then I knew what would happen a second before he hit the ground, and… I’m so… so sorry.”

“I… You let other people take the blame. You let your own brothers take the blame, Terry, Bob, Jamie and me. What if they’d have done me and Eli for it? What if you never found out we never had both heads? Would you have turned yourself in?”

Carl looked down. “I…”

“I thought so.”

There was an silence. A deathly silence. Carl didn’t dare to look in Chas’ eyes. He was scared of what he might find there. Hatred, perhaps, or pure, cold disappointment.

She was the first to break the ice.

“Is that partly why you don’t want chemo? You think you deserve to die after what you did to Tom?”

“No.”

“Don’t lie to me Carl King. The time for lies has passed.”

“Partly. I just feel… worthless. Disgusted with myself. Pretty sh-t basically.”

“You’re not worthless Carl. You’re…” She sighed. “You’re stupid, annoying and crazy, but you know what?”

She stopped suddenly, biting her lip.


I don't know why I love you like I do
All the changes you put me through
Take my money, my cigarettes
I haven't seen the worst of it yet
I wanna know, can you tell me
I'd really like to stay


“What?”

“It doesn’t matter, forget it.”

“What?”

“I was going to say – I love you Carl. And I’d stand by you through all the pain. But not if you’re gonna give up.”

“I don’t want the chemo. You don’t understand, you don’t know what it’s like. It’ll destroy me.”

“Millions of people go through this Carl. If they have the guts to do it, why don’t you?”

“Because I’m sick of it Chas. The lies, the secrets, the guilt. I just want it all to end. And this is the simplest way to go.”

“You’re being really selfish.”

“This is one thing I reserve the right to be selfish about. You won't be the one going through it. Sure, you’d hold me while I was being sick, and yeah, you’d sit with me up at night and come to the hospital with me. But could you really deal with that? This isn’t like skin cancer Chas. This is brain cancer. My personality might change – no one really knows what could happen. There’s no leaflet telling you at what precise hour something is going to happen.

I’m scared Chas. Can’t you understand that?”


I don't know what to take
Thought I was focused but I'm scared
I'm not prepared


“I can understand you being scared. What I can’t understand is why you’re giving up.”

“I can’t do it. Just can’t do it anymore.”

“Yes you can! And I’ll help you.”

“I can’t. A twenty-five percent chance of living? Where’s the hope in that?”

“You just said it. You’ve got a chance Carl. A fair fighting chance. And if you aren’t prepared to take that chance… then you’re not the Carl King I thought you were.”

“I’m not the Carl King you thought I was.”

“Well you’re a damn sight less of the man than you used to be.”

“I know! Ok, I know!”

“Carl…” Tears were seeping down her face.

“Yes?”

“Please do the chemo.”

“I’d be fighting a losing battle.”

“Why do you give up so easily?”

“I don’t have a choice.”

“Yes. You. Do!”

“What is it going to achieve? Buy me more time? How long, six months? Even if the chemo does work, you’re never completely cured; you’re in remission. Nine times out of ten it comes back. I can’t stand that.”

“Do you really want to die knowing that your brothers hate you?”

“I can patch things up…”

“But you need time to do it Carl. Exactly what the chemo will buy you.

Time.”




Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away.

[rooneyc7]

great update sapphira. more soon please xxx

[missking]

that was mint i love it aww poor carl glad chas tryin 2 make him see sence post more really soon please

[eppsy]

Aww. Cancer such a horrible disease. Good to see C+C reunited and holding on to each other.

It was yet another great piece of writing.

More soon please? x

[Sapphira]

Aww, thank you everyone!! I won't be updating this tonight, don't have enough time.

Love y'all, Saph xx

[tomsgirl]

WoW yet another powerful piece of writing here Sapphira more please soon x

[rtzen01]

aww poor Carl I cant wait to see what happens next, this story is so good Please post more soon

[Sapphira]

Thankyou again for all your feedback!! Unetto Update...




Chapter VI: Rushing Through Fog To Manchester Airport


An overcast cloud lingered over Emmerdale. Carl sat in his study, staring aimlessly out of the window. Inspired suddenly by a sudden notion, he stood up excitedly, accidentally knocking his chair over. He grimaced, remembering the reason why it had happened.


Tonight, they're burning the roads they built to lead us to the light.
And blinding our hearts with their shining lies,
While closing our caskets cold and tight
But I'm dying to live.

My sighs, they ring victorious
And fog this tinted glass.
It's clouded
And so is my head.
The hint of these new tears are sharp.
I try to choke them back.
But it's useless.
I am useless against them.
They are beating me with ease.

Carl rubbed his eyes furiously, attempting to reduce the appearance of his tears. His eyes looked bloodshot, and he had the glimmer of water around the dark rings of his eyes. He ambled into the kitchen where Chas was gingerly eating a slice of dry bread. She looked up at him and instantly recognising the distinct crimson, watery eyes, out of tact, she averted her eyes from his.

“I don’t want to stay here.”

Chas nearly choked on the bread. “What?!”

“I can’t stay here Chas.”

“Well where are you planning to go?”

“I was hoping it’d be a we.”

“What?”

“When I go… I want you to come with me.”

“What about…”

“Does it matter? Chas, like it or not, with or without the chemo, I’m hitting my last few months – “

“Don’t say that!”

“What if I need to hear it? What if I need to say it to get my head around it? This is happening Chas. And it’s happening now. Every second we sit here talking, this tumour grows a little bit more. That’s just the way it is.”


Which of the boldfaced lies will we use?
I hope that you're happy, you really deserve it,
This will be the best for us both in the end.


“I… ok, fine.”

“I want to spend my last days abroad.”

“Abroad where?”

“I’ve booked a flight to Portugal. Check-in is in five hours, at 8.”

“You’ve done what?”

“Are you coming?”

“I…”

“I need to know. And if you are, you need to get packing.”

“This isn’t fair.”

“Nothing about this whole situation is fair Chas.”

“I know but – “

“I want – “

“WILL YOU SHUT IT! This isn’t all about you! I’d be leaving my family…”

“Only for a few months. Then it’ll all be over and you can come back here.”

“Don’t… My job…”

“It doesn’t matter. I’ll put you in my will. You’ll be a millionaire.”

“I don’t…”

“Please Chas. You’re the only thing I’ve got left that’s worth living for, and I know I said I’d do the chemo, but… I… I can’t do it without you.”

“You do realise that I woke up this morning expecting a normal day. Went to the pub to see Diane. Saw the glass. Lexi. Your office. And…”

“I don’t have time to talk about this. Are you coming?”

Chas’ lips framed the answer before she had time to think.

A clear, solid, resounding, “Yes.”

[missking]

thats great post more soon please glad chas is going with him

[rtzen01]

wow such good writing Sapphira Please post more soon

[tomsgirl]

Yet another fab update here Sapphira more soon please with a cherry on the top.

[Sapphira]

Lol, well since you asked so nicely, I may find it in my heart to update this tomorrow afternoon.

Again, thanks for all your comment guys, they do mean alot.

[tomsgirl]

Cool thank you.

[eppsy]

Wow, great chapter.

Wonder if Carl dies or not?

More soon please? x

[Sapphira]

Just to let y'all know I've got a load of music exams that are really important next week, so I won't updating any of my fics for about 2 weeks. I've got a new idea for a 1/1 and another shortish fic which is an adaption of Train Tracks and it also kind of links in with this if you're interested.

Saph xx

[missking]

kl thanks for that shall look forward to when you can post them and good luck in your exams

[eppsy]

Good Luck In Exams.

Will Be Looking Forward To New Story.

[tomsgirl]

Good luck Sapphira with all your exams.
I am looking forward to more of your fab stories.

[Sapphira]

Because I am so sick about learning alto and tenor clefs and the differences between augmented intervals and diminished intervals, I have another update!!!

It's a bit slow, lacking in drama (and Carl), and probably a bit boring, but it did need to go in so you know how Chas is feeling. It's based on my own experiences about moving house, but maybe some of you can relate to it aswell.




Chapter VII: Beginning An Ending



We walk in your footsteps
Though We've had our ups and downs
And I'll stand in the silence
Until I figure it out


Carl smiled, and pulled Chas into a tight hug.

“Thank you.” He pressed his lips against her raspberry scented hair.

“How long are we going for?”

Carls face turned ashen. “As long as it takes for the movie to play out.” He replied sullenly.

Chas looked down guiltily. “I’ll go and get my stuff then.”

“Don’t be long.”


Chas ran out of the small cottage and back to Wishing Well. It seemed like there was a storm brewing – the clouds had darkened since she had arrived back at the cottage with Carl, and the village had taken on rather a bleak look. She rushed through the mist, all the time glancing around for a hint of rain.


One might fall and the other will stand
And one might give where the other won't bend
The night is bright as the sun

I'm never gonna know
Never gonna look back
Never gonna know where we would have ended up at
The end has only begun...

It was a long walk to Wishing Well from the village, but Chas, with her renewed sense of urgency covered the ground quickly. After a painful stitch in her right side she stopped and looked up. The uninviting exterior of Wishing Well loomed into view; she was less than two hundred metres away. She scampered up the shingle of the lane and came to a halt at the familiar entrance. She knocked twice and was let in by Lisa.

“Hello love.”

“Hi Lisa. I just wanted to – “

“Wanted to what? Chas, love, you’re wet through.”

“Am I?”

“Come on. Let’s get you dry. You’ll catch your death of cold.”

“I’m leaving.”

“You’re what?”

“I’m leaving.”

“Where to?”

“Portugal.”

“How… how…”

“Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies. I’m off to get my stuff.”


So stop counting the hours
Live out in the world
Cause I've been chasing the answers
And they don't want to be found…


Chas looked around the old and soon to be abandoned room. It had been her security all these years, when her relationships hadn’t worked out.
And now she was leaving it.


There is a strange sensation when we are leaving home. It is with us when we run away in our youth, either as a result of a childish tantrum, or real and complete despair. It is with us when we leave for university, or college. When you leave home, for good, for the last time.

It is the fear of leaving familiarity. Leaving what you know. It is being scared of the outside world.

The clocks tick, and Big Ben chimes, and before you know it, that’s it, time up. The last time you visit each individual room. Smiling at fond memories, cringing at others. The significant objects littered around, each one unique, with it’s own story attached, special.

The time to leave approaches, where you conscience is calling, but your mind resists, snatching another precious moment in a place not always as valued as it is at that last minute. Now comes the closing of the doors, the waiting in the hallway, as the restricted tears begin to flow.

Then the turning away and the shutting of the front door, and the last glance of those memorable surroundings, before the journey into the unknown.


I'm never gonna know
Never gonna look back
Never gonna know where we would have ended up at
The end has only begun

Well the day
Tonight feels like a million miles away
And these times just won't change
Life just stays the same
I'd give anything to see the light of day…


The beginning of an ending.


What you do
No one can decide it's up to you
And who you are is what you choose
These times when the world falls apart
Make us who we are.